At some point, the roads that we wander stop being roads and become a symbol of the path we’ve chosen, with the cracks
I don’t believe what I say sometimes. It's not that I don’t believe that I said it, but I often doubt if it's true, or if it's how I actually feel. I don’t want to be guided by a road. I want to make my own road and guide myself. I don’t want to find a place in this world to belong, I want to make one. Often, this feels impossible, but that has never stops me from trying.
After committing so much of my life to this cause though, I’ve started to lose sight of what it was I had been working towards to begin with. I grew up. As I grew up, I started to take on the characteristics of the type of people I had always hated growing up. I lied. I put my own desires and well-being over others. This is not what I’ve learned and not what I’m fighting for.
I know these entries seem convoluted and somewhat depressing , but its important to know that this is how I feel right now. This is how I’ve felt for along time. I believe this can change, and I will change it. I don’t think we have to feel this way. I’ve had the good fortune of crossing paths with some fantastic people in the past that I know have felt similarly from time to time. We’re not the ones who search for meaning in a world that doesn’t have any, we’re the ones that make meaning for a world that is starving for it.
Everything is going to be ok.
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