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Why does it happen?

posted Oct 20, 2010, 12:56 AM by Christopher Stryker   [ updated Oct 20, 2010, 3:23 PM by Alexandra Stryker ]
My inner monologue is an unorganized catalog of thoughts that don’t make any sense and ideas that rarely come to fruition.

 When an idea does manage to make it past my skull and manifest itself in reality, I’m always super impressed with myself, but how does that happen!?!? How do I pinpoint the moment that my idea decided to become an unlikely reality? Since my life apparently contains no concrete decisions and is comprised only vague ideas, let's take a step back and review a portion of it in an effort to make any sense of it at all.

It was during a conversation about old cars with my friend Andy at the Pick Me Up Cafe that I got the Idea to move to Tucson.  I told him I always wanted to buy a hearse and just keep driving, at the time I didn’t realize that I was serious.

A couple months later though, I found the car. It was a 1975 Cadillac superior hearse for low, low price of $700 that would take me to my destination. It was in rough shape to say the stalled 6 times on the way home...once on the train tracks.  I had to borrow money from my roommate to pay rent that month, but it was mine. 
I spent the next few months trying to get the hearse working again. I grew impatient with the rebuilding process and left with the car half-done. The car hardly stayed on the road, but I drove it halfway across the country anyways. All I remember after I left is feeling like I wasn’t going to make it.  Getting stuck in a place called Lebanon, Missouri for a week didn’t help settle that feeling, but I made it... somehow, for some reason. 

G wrote me a letter to read after I got to Arizona. I read it on the border of New Mexico. It made me sad.  I kept it.  If this is what my life has become with the absence of actual decisions, then let the ideas rule. I probably wouldn’t know how to do it any other way anyhow.